1. alongside ngaio, half of the onslow megaplex in north wellington
2. a working model of a margerine commercial, complete with cheerful pretty females with lovely clothes and shiny hair who always smile
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
island bay
1. any bay with an island in it
2. a particular bay on wellington's south coast with an island in it
2a. it is a well-known fact that almost nobody knows that this island is called Tapu Te Ranga
3. behind this bay is a suburb, marine laboratory and various other commerical ventures as are needed to make sure people do not starve.
4. you better not be waiting for anything more interesting. there isn't all that much interesting about Island Bay
2. a particular bay on wellington's south coast with an island in it
2a. it is a well-known fact that almost nobody knows that this island is called Tapu Te Ranga
3. behind this bay is a suburb, marine laboratory and various other commerical ventures as are needed to make sure people do not starve.
4. you better not be waiting for anything more interesting. there isn't all that much interesting about Island Bay
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
wairarapa, the
1. set of districts over the Rimutaka Hills, largest town is Masterton, pop ca 20,000. Prized day trip to wineries and natural splendour therein, particularly Martinborough, particularly in November for Taste Martinborough, a festival designed so that many Wellingtonians can come to town, eat a lot, drink a lot, throw up and then leave.
2. interesting fact: when you get to one of the beaches in the Wairarapa, if you hold up a seashell to your ear, it plays the theme from Deliverence.
2. interesting fact: when you get to one of the beaches in the Wairarapa, if you hold up a seashell to your ear, it plays the theme from Deliverence.
apartment
1. similar to the cage one might carry a cat to cattery in, except that it is human-sized and immobile (possible exception being apartments in oriental bay, though this is not on purpose)
2. a filing cabinet in which to keep people
3. a popular wellington accessory that has turned te aro into a neighbourhood.
3a. although, people who live in town then get all surprised and shitty that it's noisy, which is a bit surprising to me.
2. a filing cabinet in which to keep people
3. a popular wellington accessory that has turned te aro into a neighbourhood.
3a. although, people who live in town then get all surprised and shitty that it's noisy, which is a bit surprising to me.
vivian street
1. street in te aro, running east-west. forms a large natural half-pipe with pirie street to the top of mt victoria.
2. where the hookers at.
3. and the VUW school of architecture. that's a pretty important thing to mention.
2. where the hookers at.
3. and the VUW school of architecture. that's a pretty important thing to mention.
mount cook
1. a suburban child of Te Aro with indeterminate boundaries, usually described as "any place you can see the war memorial from"
2. home of Massey Universty at Wellington, a local polytechnic
3. despite the name, totally flat, as the eponymous mountain was removed decades ago to make way for a large casino complex that would later go bankrupt. all attempts to replace the hill have thus far been unsuccessful
2. home of Massey Universty at Wellington, a local polytechnic
3. despite the name, totally flat, as the eponymous mountain was removed decades ago to make way for a large casino complex that would later go bankrupt. all attempts to replace the hill have thus far been unsuccessful
Go Wellington
1. formerly "stagecoach", the people responsible for providing public transport to the city
1a. voted "world's most banal company name" two years running
1b. included "services" are the alleged number two bus, which many people maintain is fictional. I live on its route and have never seen one. especially when I'm tying to go home
2. hard to love company that provides opportunity for misanthropes to blunt their customer service skills further. often cited as the reason why people drive to work,
1a. voted "world's most banal company name" two years running
1b. included "services" are the alleged number two bus, which many people maintain is fictional. I live on its route and have never seen one. especially when I'm tying to go home
2. hard to love company that provides opportunity for misanthropes to blunt their customer service skills further. often cited as the reason why people drive to work,
majestic centre, the
1. the tallest building in wellington, a tribute to architectural styles of the 1980s.
2. an object so phallic that a committee is determing whether or not to replace the word 'phallic" with "majestic" and refer penii back to it instead, although this might be redundant,given the number of people who already refer to their penis as majestic
3. a source of terrible confusion and aesthetic bewilderment for stoned people
3a. a problem, because roughly thirty-five percent of wellington's adult citizenry is stoned at any given time.
3b. because it looks like a dalek.
2. an object so phallic that a committee is determing whether or not to replace the word 'phallic" with "majestic" and refer penii back to it instead, although this might be redundant,given the number of people who already refer to their penis as majestic
3. a source of terrible confusion and aesthetic bewilderment for stoned people
3a. a problem, because roughly thirty-five percent of wellington's adult citizenry is stoned at any given time.
3b. because it looks like a dalek.
guy fawkes night fireworks display
1. an event held annually on the fifth of november where a boat is loaded with roughly ten tons of fireworks, set adrift on lambton harbour and a match thrown in to the joyful glee of the thousands of spectators gathered around, and the dismay of the city's pets.
2. the annual point where hundreds of people forgive the wellington city council, who foot much of the bill for the event.
2a. usually by March, most of them have a reason for redisgruntlement
3. the source of one in every twenty pictures inside the wellington flickr group.
2. the annual point where hundreds of people forgive the wellington city council, who foot much of the bill for the event.
2a. usually by March, most of them have a reason for redisgruntlement
3. the source of one in every twenty pictures inside the wellington flickr group.
karori
1. western suburb, located in a valley, population ca. 9,000 with a bad reputation, largely undeserved
1a. the largest suburb in the history of human civilisation
1b. the terminus of the number three bus, which runs roughly once every fifteen seconds
1b1. until you need one.
2. place that would, in many other cities be cited as an artistic haven and would be a much sought-after address, you fucking snobs.
3. home of the victoria university education faculty, well-known for its hideousness
4. home to corfu seafoods, a fish and chip shop, the output of which is bloody nice.
5. a place that runs at a constant temperature two degrees (celcius) less than the rest of the city
1a. the largest suburb in the history of human civilisation
1b. the terminus of the number three bus, which runs roughly once every fifteen seconds
1b1. until you need one.
2. place that would, in many other cities be cited as an artistic haven and would be a much sought-after address, you fucking snobs.
3. home of the victoria university education faculty, well-known for its hideousness
4. home to corfu seafoods, a fish and chip shop, the output of which is bloody nice.
5. a place that runs at a constant temperature two degrees (celcius) less than the rest of the city
beard, tom
1. a method for making sense of wellington government intentions
1a. the person responsible for the wellurban website, and chronicler of urban inentions
1a1. according to one source, a "dandy"
1a2. actually has a beard.
2. a leading authority on cocktails available in the city.
1a. the person responsible for the wellurban website, and chronicler of urban inentions
1a1. according to one source, a "dandy"
1a2. actually has a beard.
2. a leading authority on cocktails available in the city.
courtenay place
1. street in eastern te aro, site of roughly nine thousand bars, claimed by wikipedia as "world famous" for its nightlife.
2. place that can be traced back as the genesis of many accidental impregnations
3. site of the reading cinema complex, the most charmless building in the city
2. place that can be traced back as the genesis of many accidental impregnations
3. site of the reading cinema complex, the most charmless building in the city
wadestown
1. mansion-clad rich suburb in the western hills
2. site of future wall for many of its citizens to be first against when the revolution comes.
2. site of future wall for many of its citizens to be first against when the revolution comes.
the hurricanes
1. wellington's super 14 rugby union franchise, based at westpac stadium perpetual runners up at everything
1a. a team with a catchment area spanning as far north as Gisborne and as far west as Taranaki
2. Wellington's great talent is getting second place at everything
3. Go the Highlanders.
1a. a team with a catchment area spanning as far north as Gisborne and as far west as Taranaki
2. Wellington's great talent is getting second place at everything
3. Go the Highlanders.
oriental bay
1. picture-postcard suburb around the corner from the central city with views over the harbour, as the word "bay" would imply
2. a bunch of apartments clinging for dear life to a hillside that every now and then slides down the hill.
3. a non-naturally occuring beach, thanks to a decision taken to import roughly nine billion dollars worth of sand for the citizenry's pleasure
2. a bunch of apartments clinging for dear life to a hillside that every now and then slides down the hill.
3. a non-naturally occuring beach, thanks to a decision taken to import roughly nine billion dollars worth of sand for the citizenry's pleasure
wellington college
1. a large herding station located adjacent to the basin reserve used to corral 13-18 year old males from wadestown, kelburn and khandallah
2. a proposed set of ideals and thoughts, should reality become too cumbersome
2a. an institution that seems to leave its graduates erroneously thinking that most of new zealand resembles them and therefore what's good for the lawyer's son from Wadestown is good for everyone
2b. because this idea is predicated on there being more lawyers, it is false.
2. a proposed set of ideals and thoughts, should reality become too cumbersome
2a. an institution that seems to leave its graduates erroneously thinking that most of new zealand resembles them and therefore what's good for the lawyer's son from Wadestown is good for everyone
2b. because this idea is predicated on there being more lawyers, it is false.
lambton quay
1. street containing a large section of the city's office workforce
2. c-shaped street with the railway station and parliament at the top end
3. the wellington street that appears the new zealand version of monopoly. second in value only to queen street, auckland.
2. c-shaped street with the railway station and parliament at the top end
3. the wellington street that appears the new zealand version of monopoly. second in value only to queen street, auckland.
auckland
1. this is not a misprint
2. huge city to the (far) north of Wellington used for comparitive purposes, to ascertain or prove the value of a thing in the city, usually to prove the affirmative "this is better than in Auckland"
2a. auckland does not repeat this pattern back
3. the gorgs to wellington's fraggle rock.
2. huge city to the (far) north of Wellington used for comparitive purposes, to ascertain or prove the value of a thing in the city, usually to prove the affirmative "this is better than in Auckland"
2a. auckland does not repeat this pattern back
3. the gorgs to wellington's fraggle rock.
public service, the
1. thousand-headed beast charged with making sure the government's bidding is done
1a. a giant, sprawling bureaucratic morass the employs thousands of wellingtonians
1a. a giant, sprawling bureaucratic morass the employs thousands of wellingtonians
te papa
1. museum on the east side of the waterfront that looks from the street like a ship plowing into a stetson
2. on the inside, a tribute to all things new zealand. brilliant place.
2a. has rides too. good ones.
2. on the inside, a tribute to all things new zealand. brilliant place.
2a. has rides too. good ones.
northland
1. a suburb in the western hills that is fucking miles from everywhere
2. for some reason, the suburban takeout capital of the western world.
2. for some reason, the suburban takeout capital of the western world.
cuba mall
1. pedestrian mall running north-south through Te Aro. The bits you can drive on are called "Cuba Street"
2. retail and bar heavy place, pleasant enough
2a. not for the faint of cash
2b. heavily gentrified place to go people-spotting
2c. good place to sit outside and drink beer
3. location of the bucket fountain, already well known as the best piece of public art in the world.
2. retail and bar heavy place, pleasant enough
2a. not for the faint of cash
2b. heavily gentrified place to go people-spotting
2c. good place to sit outside and drink beer
3. location of the bucket fountain, already well known as the best piece of public art in the world.
f is 4 fun
1. graffiti artist (usually tagging and stickers) who finds new and interesting ways to write "f is 4 fun" on things.
1a. also, radio-helmeted people, and the word "megs"
1b. it is not clear who or what "megs" is, but it hints at a crew.
2. curator of impromptu exhibit at the "Free Gallery" just off Cuba Street, the centrepiece of which is a giant taunting tag for the law to find later reading "whut up, po-po?"
1a. also, radio-helmeted people, and the word "megs"
1b. it is not clear who or what "megs" is, but it hints at a crew.
2. curator of impromptu exhibit at the "Free Gallery" just off Cuba Street, the centrepiece of which is a giant taunting tag for the law to find later reading "whut up, po-po?"
wellington inner city bypass
1. largely unwanted road that pulls the motorway further south in a bid to speed up driving times
1a. "largely unwanted" is sugar coating it.
1b. has not sped up your journey if you're going to Brooklyn
2. pain the ring for inner city pedestrians
1a. "largely unwanted" is sugar coating it.
1b. has not sped up your journey if you're going to Brooklyn
2. pain the ring for inner city pedestrians
lower hutt
1. blue-collar suburban outpost on the eastern side of wellington harbour at the south end of the Hutt Valley (aka "the Hutt"), population c.100,000
1a. the "mortgage belt".
1b. the bulk of Hutt City, alongside Petone, Taita-Naenae, Stoke's Vegas and Eastbourne
2. butt of wellington's jokes
2a. not that bad though
2b. although, if you google "bogan", you will discover a well-fitting hat.
3. source of a large chunk of wellington's population
1a. the "mortgage belt".
1b. the bulk of Hutt City, alongside Petone, Taita-Naenae, Stoke's Vegas and Eastbourne
2. butt of wellington's jokes
2a. not that bad though
2b. although, if you google "bogan", you will discover a well-fitting hat.
3. source of a large chunk of wellington's population
wellington waterfront
1. wellington's schlong. the bald man's ferrari. king trinket.
1a. the bit beside the harbour with a lot of sculpture, te papa and a park.
1a1. you can rent a kayak or go rock climbing if you like.
1b. a ferrari is a nice thing. likewise, the waterfront is wonderful on a sunny day.
1a. the bit beside the harbour with a lot of sculpture, te papa and a park.
1a1. you can rent a kayak or go rock climbing if you like.
1b. a ferrari is a nice thing. likewise, the waterfront is wonderful on a sunny day.
kilbirnie
1. the hub of the eastern suburbs. Could do with a lick of paint.
2. a middle-class blue collar place with sea views stuck to a snib of land joining the rest of Wellington to Miramar.
2a. a place with a good beach in Lyall Bay, which although regarded as a suburb in its own right is also a child of Kilbirnie
3. a windbreak for antarctic chills
2. a middle-class blue collar place with sea views stuck to a snib of land joining the rest of Wellington to Miramar.
2a. a place with a good beach in Lyall Bay, which although regarded as a suburb in its own right is also a child of Kilbirnie
3. a windbreak for antarctic chills
kelburn
1. inner city suburb, on a western hill overlooking the city home to a mix of rich people and students
1a. this being because it is also the home of Victoria University.
2. end point of the cable car, the world-famous bus on a rope.
3. start point of the Wellington Botanical Gardens.
3a. a good place to kill a day.
4. the only suburb I can think of with no fish and chip shop.
1a. this being because it is also the home of Victoria University.
2. end point of the cable car, the world-famous bus on a rope.
3. start point of the Wellington Botanical Gardens.
3a. a good place to kill a day.
4. the only suburb I can think of with no fish and chip shop.
hobbs, marian
1. labour MP for Wellington Central with a passing resemblence to madam cholet
2. former minister for the environment
3. not much else to say, really.
2. former minister for the environment
3. not much else to say, really.
king, annette
1. Labour MP for Rongotai, an electorate spanning the eastern and southern suburbs and chatham islands.
2. minister in charge of fixing broken things. a safe pair of hands.
3. Quite a nice lady too, I've met her.
2. minister in charge of fixing broken things. a safe pair of hands.
3. Quite a nice lady too, I've met her.
hataitai
1. the most misprounounced suburb name in the history of time, somehow mutated from ha-taitai to hai-taitai), to blazes with the spelling. an interested linguistic note about speech patterns.
1a. originally "whataitai", the name of a mythological taniwha.
1b. if you follow this link, it explains what a taniwha is.
2. residential area on the eastern side of Mount Victoria (hill). pleasantly uneventful place.
3. Suburb at the end of two tunnels, one for cars and people and the other for buses.
1a. originally "whataitai", the name of a mythological taniwha.
1b. if you follow this link, it explains what a taniwha is.
2. residential area on the eastern side of Mount Victoria (hill). pleasantly uneventful place.
3. Suburb at the end of two tunnels, one for cars and people and the other for buses.
basin reserve, the
1. cricket venue largely superceded by Westpac Stadium. Used as a boundary marker for where the central city stops.
2. a large, grassy and genteel place now used for unprofitable cricket games and the odd public event. also contains the New Zealand cricket museum.
3. the world's largest traffic island.
2. a large, grassy and genteel place now used for unprofitable cricket games and the odd public event. also contains the New Zealand cricket museum.
3. the world's largest traffic island.
victoria university of wellington
1. aka "vuw". university spread over four campuses, the main and ugliest one being in kelburn
1a. scratch that. the ugliest one, hands down is the teachers' college in Karori.
2. law school has a good reputation.
2a. rest of the place is ranked middle of the pack.
1a. scratch that. the ugliest one, hands down is the teachers' college in Karori.
2. law school has a good reputation.
2a. rest of the place is ranked middle of the pack.
te aro
1. Self-fellating southern section of the central city, specifically the south end. Its children are Mount Victoria, Brooklyn, Aro Valley, Mt Cook and sometimes Y. Loves itself a lot.
1a: main streets: Cuba St, Manners St, Willis St, Courtenay Pl.
2. More retail than the Lambton end of town. Less pompous.
3. Wellington's entertainment district. Always something to look at.
4. So pretentious that it makes Paris Hilton look like a hillbilly. An apartment boom in the last ten years has gentrified it, quite a bit.
4a. label-basing as an art form.
5. Home of the bucket fountain, the best public art in the world.
6. The least judgmental place on Earth.
1a: main streets: Cuba St, Manners St, Willis St, Courtenay Pl.
2. More retail than the Lambton end of town. Less pompous.
3. Wellington's entertainment district. Always something to look at.
4. So pretentious that it makes Paris Hilton look like a hillbilly. An apartment boom in the last ten years has gentrified it, quite a bit.
4a. label-basing as an art form.
5. Home of the bucket fountain, the best public art in the world.
6. The least judgmental place on Earth.
aro valley
1. suburb located in the south end of the central city. basically Aro Street and the streets off it, the main ones being Devon Street, Epuni Street and Adams Tce.
1a: Devon Street: a bastard to walk up, and a bastard to drive down. Windy, steep and narrow.
2. subset of Te Aro. south of Victoria University, west of Willis Street.
3. high concentration of hippies and people willing to spend a lot of money to look like a hippy. Also, people just willing to spend a lot of money. chock full of posers and students.
4. Green party stronghold. So left wing that it can only fly in a circle. One of the places most resistant to the inner city bypass, and most affected (read: fucked over) by it.
5. location of Aro Park, a nice place to be on a hot day. On all days a place where citizens not othrerwise deployed sit and drink during the day.
1a: Devon Street: a bastard to walk up, and a bastard to drive down. Windy, steep and narrow.
2. subset of Te Aro. south of Victoria University, west of Willis Street.
3. high concentration of hippies and people willing to spend a lot of money to look like a hippy. Also, people just willing to spend a lot of money. chock full of posers and students.
4. Green party stronghold. So left wing that it can only fly in a circle. One of the places most resistant to the inner city bypass, and most affected (read: fucked over) by it.
5. location of Aro Park, a nice place to be on a hot day. On all days a place where citizens not othrerwise deployed sit and drink during the day.
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